Welcome back

We have anger, but we don't hate.

We need justice, but not revenge.

離別

從小就討厭離別。

小時祖母不時到我家探望，年幼稚氣，離別時例必淚流滿面，哇哇大哭，異常棲慘。朋友敍會，永遠希望留到最後一刻，因為不想說再見。第一次，也是唯一一次到啓德機場是為伯父一家送行，從此機場成為離別的一個符號。以為小不更事，長大後會懂得天下無不散之筵席的道理，道理雖然懂了，傷感反而更堪。每一個離別，不論大小，都變得深刻。離別的種類不限，時間不限，對像也不限，人越大越唔捨得，越了解需要放下，越想抓著唔放。因知道一放手真的以後連影子也未必可見，或者即使見得清清楚楚， 卻這麽近那麽遠得緊要。人越老真是越固執，是否擇善見人見智，只因為曾經失去過，許多人和事都希望可以永遠留在身邊，即使不能留下真身，也想留下一點什麽，哪怕是一丁點感覺。

說真的，我真的不懂說再見。

Jim's workshop for animators

Joined a acting workshop by 詹瑞文 for animators months before, teaching animators to act. Pretty inspiring lesson. I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks Karis bought me there. Each animator would make an animated character and "perform" in the video of workshop as a documentary. Sadly because of some reasons, I couldn't finish my part. Here's some still shot I did for it...
It was an interesting idea, so sorry that I can't make it at the end.

New look in the new year

Things happened in the past half year. The world continues spinning no matter what, and so do I. Something new represent a new start, of the year, as well as my life. Wish me luck.

Make a Hole on my Body

Sketch online

ODOSKETCH
No advanced functions, no fancy effects. But very good touch.
Isn't it the basic of drawing?

The young lady walking into the Wonderland.

The wind is moving along, with desire and obsession.

Sunny hide-and-seek section

As the sun play hide-and-seek with me all the time, I could only use some of my tools to capture the moment of light - Taken these photos yesterday at lunch time

村上春樹：我永遠站在雞蛋那一邊

Dude, what's the reason behind everything you create? Do you believe that everyone has a very unique and independent soul under a fragile cover, no matter how this cover look like?

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轉載自天下雜誌418期

今天我以一名小說家的身分來到耶路撒冷。而小說家，正是

所謂的職業謊言製造者。

當然，不只小說家會說謊。眾所周知，政治人物也會說謊。外交官、將軍、二手車業務員、屠夫和建築師亦不例外。但是小說家的謊言和其他人不同。沒有人會責怪小說家說謊不道德。相反地，小說家愈努力說謊，把謊言說得愈大愈好，大眾和評論家反而愈讚賞他。為什麼？

今天，我不打算說謊。

我的答案是：藉由高超的謊言，也就是創作出幾可亂真的小說情節，小說家才能將真相帶到新的地方，也才能賦予它新的光輝。

在大多數的情況下，我們幾乎無法掌握真相，也無法精準的描繪真相。因此，必須把真相從藏匿處挖掘出來，轉化到另一個虛構的時空，用虛構的形式來表達。

但是在此之前，我們必須先清楚知道，真相就在我們心中的某處。這是小說家編造好謊言的必要條件。

今天，我不打算說謊。我會盡可能地誠實。我在一年之中只有幾天不會說謊，今天剛好就是其中之一。

請容我告訴你們真相。

在日本，許多人建議我不要來這裡接受耶路撒冷文學獎。甚至有人警告我，如果我堅持前來，他們會聯合抵制我的小說。主要的原因，當然是迦薩正在發生的激烈戰鬥。

根據聯合國調查，在被封鎖的迦薩城內，已經有超過千人喪生，許多人是手無寸鐵的平民、孩童和老人。

我收到獲獎通知後，不斷問自己：此時到耶路撒冷接受文學獎，是否正確？這會不會讓人認為我支持衝突中的某一方，或認為我支持一個發動壓倒性武力攻擊的國家政策？老實說，我也不想看到自己的書被抵制。

經過反覆思考，我還是決定來到這裡。原因之一是，太多人反對我來。我和許多小說家一樣，總是要做人們反對的事情。如果有人對我說，尤其是警告我說，「不要去」、「不要這麼做」，我通常反而會特別想去、特別想做。

這就是小說家的天性。小說家是特別的族群，除非親眼所見，親手觸摸，否則他們不會相信任何事情。

我來到這裡，我選擇親身面對而非置身事外；我選擇親眼目睹而非矇蔽雙眼；我選擇開口說話，而非沉默不語。

但是這不代表我要發表任何政治訊息。判斷對錯，當然是小說家的重要責任，但如何傳遞判斷，每個作家有不同的選擇。我個人偏好用故事、尤其用超現實的故事來表達。因此，我今天不會在你們面前發表任何直接的政治訊息。

不過，請容我在這裡向你們傳達一個非常私人的訊息。這是我創作時永遠牢記在心的話語。我從未將這句話真正行諸文字或貼在牆壁，而是刻劃在我心靈深處的牆上。

這句話是這樣的：「以卵擊石，在高大堅硬的牆和雞蛋之間，我永遠站在雞蛋那方。」

無論高牆是多麼正確，雞蛋是多麼地錯誤，我永遠站在雞蛋這邊。

誰是誰非，自有他人、時間、歷史來定論。但若小說家無論何種原因，寫出站在高牆這方的作品，這作品豈有任何價值可言？

這代表什麼意思呢？轟炸機、戰車、火箭和白磷彈就是那堵高牆；而被它們壓碎、燒焦和射殺的平民則是雞蛋。這是這個比喻的其中一層涵義。

更深一層的看，我們每個人，也或多或少都是一枚雞蛋。我們都是獨一無二，裝在脆弱外殼中的靈魂。你我也或多或少，都必須面對一堵名為「體制」的高牆。體制照理應該保護我們，但有時它卻殘殺我們，或迫使我們冷酷、有效率、系統化地殘殺別人。


是我們創造了體制

我寫小說只有一個原因，就是給予每個靈魂尊嚴，讓它們得以沐浴在陽光之下。故事的目的在於提醒世人，在於檢視體制，避免它馴化我們的靈魂、剝奪靈魂的意義。我深信小說家的職責就是透過創作故事，關於生死、愛情、讓人感動落淚、恐懼顫抖或開懷大笑的故事，讓人們意識到每個靈魂的獨一無二和不可取代。這就是我們為何日復一日，如此嚴肅編織小說的原因。

我九十歲的父親去年過世。他是位退休老師和兼職的和尚。當他在京都的研究所念書時，被強制徵召到中國打仗。

身為戰後出生的小孩，我很好奇為何他每天早餐前，都在家中佛壇非常虔誠地祈禱。有一次我問他原因，他說他是在為所有死於戰爭的人們祈禱，無論是戰友或敵人。看著他跪在佛壇前的背影，我似乎感受到周遭環繞著死亡的陰影。

我父親過世了，帶走那些我永遠無法盡知的記憶。但環繞他周遭那些死亡的陰影卻留在我的記憶中。這是我從他身上繼承的少數東西之一，卻也是最重要的東西之一。

今天，我只希望能向你們傳達一個訊息。我們都是人類，超越國籍、種族和宗教，我們都只是一枚面對體制高牆的脆弱雞蛋。無論怎麼看，我們都毫無勝算。牆實在是太高、太堅硬，也太過冷酷了。戰勝它的唯一可能，只來自於我們全心相信每個靈魂都是獨一無二的，只來自於我們全心相信靈魂彼此融合，所能產生的溫暖。

請花些時間思考這點：我們每個人都擁有獨特而活生生的靈魂，體制卻沒有。我們不能允許體制剝削我們，我們不能允許體制自行其道。體制並未創造我們：是我們創造了體制。

這就是我想對你們說的。

Portrait Series A

Always wanna draw some weird portraits. Magnified, twisted, destorted some thing around me, engaged with imagination. How sweet...

Up from the sky, down to the earth

Same light, same time, same place, with individual appearing.
Everything is the same, but different. Not matter blue or red, you're beautiful.

The second roll of 120

Multi-exposure, originally uploaded by BrRental.

I found out that trial and error is kinda expensive outside the digital world. This is the error one, but I love the colours very much.

Mr. Mudlark and Monster Tentacle

Mr. Mudlark and Monster Tentacle, originally uploaded by BrRental.

Inspired by someone around me that annoyed me a lot. But finally it turned out becoming a story between Mr. Mudlark and Monster Tentacle.

The first roll 120

, originally uploaded by BrRental.

Couldn't expect more. This first roll 120 in my life, with Holga 120 GCFN. And you know I seldom see the day light during weekdays. I'm a bit regretted I didn't buy the normal 120N now. The flash was totally uncontrollable. Anyway I'm starting the second one. See what I can get.

See these posters

They're chessy. They're sex appealing. They're gimmick.
Above all, they're smart.

When the time I stopped......

Things I should remember in this London trip:


- The very first blessed sunrise at her room.
- All those very big breakfasts and lunches and dinners.
- The very brilliant musical.
- Two great shows I've visited.
- Three cold and rainy days in Paris ever.
- The sun-shining Portobello.
- The inspiring worship and service.
- The concentration there.
- The big sky.
- The short day time.
- Morison.
- And her smile.

Not Everyone Wanna Be Cool And Stunning?

As a graphic designer we always want to create something beautiful and cool and smart and original and stunning and special. When we were requested to design something opposite to the goals in our mind, we feel annonyed, disappointed or even angry about it and blame people who asked us to do so (sercretly normally). Because we think they are idiots and shouldn't ask for those stupid things.

But maybe we shouldn't blame anyone if their only purpose is to make it works. Something serving such purpose doesn't have to be cool or smart. It can be very stupid and ugly. Of course as an outstanding designer you can make used of this stupidity to make something cool. But I am saying even something purely stupid works in many situation. Making something cool seems just a way to fulfil ourself.

Honestly I don't know how to make things less cool or less beautiful. I didn't learn this. I don't know how to take off my style from my works and become less special. I don't know how to make things kawaii when I am such dark story fan. I guess that's the fact. If you try to find a designer to do something just fit what you want it to be, please don't. You find a designer to do a job, you are buying this designer's style and professional, as well as his/her mind. Please don't rape their design. Ask yourself whether you have already had a design in your mind or you believe those designers or company, please don't hire them for your project if yes. If you made the decision, please respect their design. Don't use any of your "common sense" to comment it. It doesn't work in this way.

Remember if you don't wanna have something cool and stunning, don't ask for a designer.

Posted with LifeCast

Thanks To New Technology

We can do whatever we want in the net wherever we are. For example I am blogging in iPhone at this moment. In fact, this is a test message for this app I've just installed into my phone.

Posted with LifeCast

Even Sending Photos

Posted with LifeCast

Guess what is it?

Close up - light bulb, originally uploaded by brrental.

Tip: I took it at my room.